Teenager no more...soon

i know i shouldnt be reminding myself of this...but this is reality...needa face it sooner or later...the more i runaway the more reality hits harder...maybe i might not seem like ive alot of things on my mind but really, this is something tat has been crossing my mind for quite awhile...

quite alot of things been on my mind these days...like the fact that i have to carry out one-man shows alot...its quite scary to know about burdens i have to be prepared to carry pretty soon...cant reli depend much on other ppl out there and i wouldnt wanna be a parasite...pretty shameful if tats the case...im no longer that innocent primary 1 kid tat needs a school bus to send me to sch and back home from sch...im growing and gonna be a teen no more, and in future when i eventually get married and have my own kids and wife ill have to support apart from my parents...needa be prepared for hospital bills tat i needa prepare for them all on my own in future (touchwood)...and stuffs like whether my wife would be able to get along wif my parents and blah blah...even if i dont get married, i'll still needa think about how to fend for myself in terms of finances and etc...but then ill prolly have to lead a life of a loner for the rest of my life

doing things alone can be fun at times...gives u the freedom to do what u wan at yr own pace...for example, when im overseas just like the recent trip to italy, i would split up with my mum to shop for my stuffs along the shopping streets and meet at the meeting point at the time stated by the tour guide so that we dont need to wait for each other given the limited time we all have...that feeling was nice, the feeling of being somewhere out of singapore all on my own, doing my own shopping, taking my own pictures, looking for appropriate ppl to help me take pics of me wif backgrounds of cathedrals and at the same time be on the lookout for suspicious ppl and pickpockets and guarding my bag which contains my passport...it does give me a sense of being independent and feels nice and fun (prolly tats the reason why my sense of direction overseas is better than over here)...but it isnt all that nice when i need to go run errands or settle stuffs all by myself on my own...

one of my biggest fears is that (touchwood) both my parents would be gone in a flash in a few months/ 1 to 2 yrs down the road...(doesnt sound possible but doesnt seem impossible either)...wont wanna live wif relatives from either side...wouldnt feel nice and wont feel at home anyways cos that home really doesnt belong to u...i thank God for preserving my parents all the way til today...i rmb how i nearly lost my mum when i was in p3 but back then i was prolly still too young and too blur to understand...also, i rmb a speaker at an assembly talk in sec sch asking this qn about wat would i do if both my parents were gone...i think i didnt really ponder much abt this qn back then but now, looking at this qn, i dont think i know how to answer this qn....

i think its either im thinking too much or im not trusting God enough for my future...but thinking of some of these not-impossible scary uncertainties somehow shows how unprepared i am...